There was no newsletter last week because I was exhausted. My mother’s first birthday since her death has now passed—one kind of milestone.

My intention was to write this week about writing residencies. I have a pocket of experience with them. This past week I was awarded a full fellowship to one, but I can’t fully sit with or share where because I’m waiting to see if, first, the dates I originally requested will become available. The dates offered to me were not what I’d asked for, and unfortunately my calendar around those dates is inflexible. If the dates don’t open up, I don’t get the fellowship and residency. So it’s a vague sense of good news without fully being able to celebrate it just yet? Ambiguously positive news.

The truth is, I don’t have it in me to write much more about writing residencies this week. One of my half-sisters was recently diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer and I’m making a trip to Arkansas this week to see her. My partner’s mother seems to be seriously ailing. I’ve had a couple days off from crying but kinda expect to be in a fugue state or crying or laughing hysterically until at least the end of the year. Maybe beyond? I don’t know.

Until next week—or soon thereafter~